"It's Complicated"

Facebook coined the phrase, "It's complicated", which in turn, became popularized through the media. People use the phrase to make light of serious, deep-seated issues that have an adverse affect on our ability to form healthy relationships. Oftentimes, this is the response you hear when an individual is invested in someone else's life and the boundaries are undefined. "It's complicated" suggests feelings of doubt and frustration due to lack of communication, resulting in misconceptions of expectations on behalf of both parties. I can imagine the burden that weighs upon a heart buried within the confines of confusion. And even if we decide that the shoe doesn't fit, oftentimes, as creatures of habit, we reattach ourselves to "it's complicated" status updates, in a vicious cycle that proves itself defeated every time, but still waits with hope that miraculously one day our news feed will read, "in a relationship" or "married".

Now, I'm not here to offer relationship advice. Lord knows I have no authority on that subject! However, what I do want us to think about is how an "it's complicated" mentality translates into our relationship with God. I remember when I became born-again, a new creation in Christ, I was filled with a burning passion and desire for the Lord. I describe it as pure love. Strong's concordance defines the Greek word for pure (eilikrines) as "tested by sunlight". The very same word can be used to describe something unadulterated by a foreign substance. In the New Testament, "pure" is used in a moral and ethical sense, defining someone or something as devoid of falsehood and hidden motives; genuine and flawless. Now imagine a love interest you have or once had. How would you describe your first encounter with him or her? You probably didn't know anything about the other person aside from your attraction to them. However, when conversations ensue, both verbal and nonverbal, a skewed or tainted image about the individual is formed based on your past experiences. If you care to purse him or her any further, pressure may escalate as a result. You might feel as though you must perform a certain way in order to maintain the affections of the other party. This is a subconscious process that takes place when forming attachments.

1 Peter 2:2-3 states, "as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby, if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious". When God wooed my heart, I came to Him like a child. I knew nothing about Him, an infant in my understanding. Yet, when I look back, that was the deepest I ever felt God's love. I tasted the purity of a love that conquers sin--a love that desired me just the way I am, flaws and all. Instantaneously, I wanted to know more about the pursuer of my heart. I began to feed on His word, but not with simplicity of heart, rather with all of the preconceived notions I carried in my back pocket. My perceptions of God were shaped by my experiences. The various male figures in my life played a part in this process. I complicated an otherwise effortless, stress-free relationship because I didn't understand the concept of receiving love without the need to reciprocate it. In addition, fear of neglect (due to a past abusive relationship), kicked in and facilitated works-based thinking. I believed that I had to perform at my utmost potential and constantly work at this relationship so that He (God) wouldn't leave me or be upset with me. You can imagine the pressure I felt, concerned that my every move was magnified by a heavenly microscope. I have now come to realize that I never fully accepted God's grace.

Scripture reveals to us in 2 Peter 1:2, "Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord". If we are gaining our knowledge and understanding of the Lord based on how others define Him or if our study of Him is external to His word, we will not bear the fruits of grace and peace in our lives. In turn, we will walk in the yoke of bondage. We've all heard this scripture to no avail, but I encourage each of us to meditate on it, asking God to reveal this truth in our lives, [Jesus states] "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light" (Matthew 11:30). Jesus calls us to come to Him like children for this very reason. When we were infants in our faith, how much more understanding did we have of God's love, before the human mind complicated it? "Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it" (Mark 10:15). We can experience the richness and fullness of God's kingdom here on earth if we understand this basic principle. It is a simple truth for those who have childlike faith.

God's love for us has no strings attached. It is simple. It is pure. It requires nothing from you. This revelation surpasses our understanding. Think briefly upon the ways in which you might have complicated your relationship with God. Pray that He would liberate you from futile thinking. All the while, seek His will through His word, aligning your knowledge with that of which is revealed to you. Not only will this free you from religious bondage, but it will aid you in developing and experiencing healthy attachments to other people.

It is freeing to know God's grace and I can assure you that if we accept it into our hearts, it would manifest through us and into the lives of others. It is the lack of grace that hinders us from loving one another. 1 Peter 2:22 states, "Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart, having been born again, not of corruptible seed but incorruptible, through the word of God which lives and abides forever". We don't have a shot at establishing lasting, fruitful relationships with others if we cling on to our corrupt, old way of thinking. If we are truly born again, then we must understand the gift of grace, the love that was shown to us regardless of our sin, shame, and flaws. If we meditate on the truth of the gospel, we might start to break down the walls of hurt, promoting a love that penetrates our inner-being, instructing us how to love others, while allowing others to love us. Perhaps then, we might start to see a decline in Facebook relationship status updates that read "it's complicated". Nothing is complicated about God. When it starts to be, I suggest we cry out, "More of You and less of me!"