I sat beside his bedpost and wept. How could this be? Just days ago we spoke, a conversation that ended abruptly though after we exasperated one another on the only topic that sets fire to my veins, turning my blood to a quick boil. We had recently spent a grueling few weeks engaged in a tug-of-war match, vying for the prize of spending time with our son. In my self-righteous opinion, his actions forfeited him this privilege. This man represented my past and I despised him for that. You see, I exhausted several years of my life in a twisted mind game, surrendering to the deceit of folly when I should have been commending this person to the tender love and forgiveness of the Father. But, the mind flirts and often reverts our attention to a self-inflicted pity party and in attendance are all of our trespassers. For me, this meant one person--a man whom I loved in my youth. I often replayed the projector slide in my mind, each scene vividly depicting exactly how I was trespassed against, believing that I could find some kind of relief by looking back. Somewhere in the past, I can justify the present. Somewhere in the past, I pity the young woman who lies helpless on the floor. Somewhere in the past, I am not responsible for bitter resentment. He is.
But then the tables turned. I peered upon the hospital bed before me where the antagonist of my story lay helpless now. I wept and inside every tear drop was the antidote to the sting of unforgiveness. I wept healing.
I made tireless attempts to dismiss the sequence of events that led up to this very moment. If only they could vanish at the snap of a finger and the flick of a wrist. I wanted my presence to blend in with the present because here my battle wounds were unrecognizable. I wanted to be "normal", but soon enough people who knew anything about me would notice that I carried dead weight. I often referred to him as my ball and chain, but little did I know that the burden I lugged around didn't follow me. It was inside me. Locked up in a box I stashed deep in my heart was the one word I could never quite identify with--unforgiveness. But, oh to stare down the harsh reality peering back at me through eyes mirrored on plexiglass! These eyes no longer burned with infuriation though. Instead they sulked back in remorse as compassion stirred within my spirit. In a sequence of events that would soon take place, compassion began to tug at the lock box and then successfully pried it open. Unforgiveness was set free and relinquished into the hands of my Maker. A sigh of relief fluttered from my lips as the weight had been lifted and all the while I could hear the Lord say, "It took you long enough"!
It is often in tragedy that our lives make a 180 degree turn on its axis, giving way to a newly found perspective. In His masterful plan to create peace and order out of my chaotic mess, I watched God's hands piece together the broken vase, a now beautiful mosaic. It is here that I am reminded of scripture that states, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). It was just months ago that I held the fractured pieces in my hand in my own attempt to make things right. But, I let them all go the day I received the news...
In a matter of minutes, my whole world changed. I found myself frequenting John Hopkins' ICU, concerned about the man whom I once couldn't stand to be around. Now, I couldn't stand to be apart from him, wanting to ease the pain of his afflictions. After one of my visits to the hospital, I called a dear friend of mine who happens to be a pastor, desperately seeking her counsel. I first entreated her for prayer regarding his condition and then I asked a simple question that catalyzed a series of events. "Should I get involved any further?" I felt a pit in my stomach and then silence broke forth. She started to softly answer by stating, "Be the good Samaritan". She went on to liken the parable to our situation. To set the record straight, I am in no means trying to compare myself with the good Samaritan, but I share this pertinent detail to reveal how God's word shed light on His desired answer.
In Luke 10:25-37, Jesus encounters a lawyer who interrogates Him about the way in which one inherits eternal life. Jesus responds by stating, "'What is written in the law? What is your reading of it?'" The lawyer gives a summary of the OT law stating, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind', and 'your neighbor as yourself.'" Jesus states that he is correct, but the lawyer inquires even further, "'Who is my neighbor?'". Jesus responds by sharing the parable about the good Samaritan.
As the story goes, there was a certain Jewish man on his way from Jerusalem to Jericho who was met by thieves. They robbed him and left him half dead on the side of the road. A priest and a Levite both happened to walk down the road where the Jewish man lay, but didn't stop for him. However, a Samaritan who also journeyed down this path had compassion for the man. He went to him, bandaged him, and brought him to an inn to ensure his safety through the night. Jesus then asks the lawyer whom of the three men was the Jewish man's neighbor. The lawyer responds by stating, "'He who showed mercy on him'". Jesus tells him, "'Go and do likewise'".
Those who heard this parable professed from Jesus' lips knew the backdrop of the story. The Jews and the Samaritans had been at odds with another for a long time. They avoided each other at all cost. Using the example of the Samaritan man, Jesus made clear what the law (now written upon our hearts) truly means--not only are we to love our friends, family, and our acquaintances as ourselves, but we are also to love our enemies just the same. Jesus' death broke any barrier causing division amongst humanity and even greater still reconciled us to God. It is out of the great love God has for us, that He gave His Son to forgive us our sins. Love and forgiveness go hand in hand. We aren't called to love only when it's convenient. We are called to love under all circumstances. On the same token, to bear this love (Jesus' love) means we should have no room in our hearts for unforgiveness.
Forgiveness is a vital ingredient in Christ's recipe to fruitful living. It is so essential to our walk that scripture tells us this: "If you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:14-15). Unforgiveness is like a cloud that hovers over a dying plant. The plant needs sunlight in order to rejuvenate its lifeless form, but has no means to survive (let alone be fruitful) so long as it's cut off from its life line. In the same manner, unforgiveness stunts our spiritual maturation. The longer we let it fester in our hearts, the farther removed we are from the Father. If God forgave our filthy, sinful nature, how can we not turn the other cheek to our neighbor?
As I glanced down at the man I had condemned for years, I thought about the Samaritan who looked upon the Jewish man lying helpless on the road. I took his hand in mine and prayed. I prayed for healing and a manifestation of the Lord's presence in his life. As for myself, I prayed that Jesus would show me how to extend mercy just as he instructed the lawyer to do in scripture. I prayed that He would search my heart and cast out any accusatory thought in the same way he dismissed the accusers of the adulterous woman, turning what would have been a public execution into a public display of Christ's love. God not only healed the man whom I now call my friend, but he healed my heart, which became a public demonstration just the same. That's exactly what forgiveness does. It wipes us clean of any residue reminiscent of condemnation and shines the Lord's radiant light through us for all to see. If I remained stifled by unforgiveness, what kind of witness would I be?
Mercy ushers out love that flows from the cross, looking for every opportunity to draw others to its refreshing water. This love takes no account of righteousness, race, or social status. In God's eyes, we are all alike. We all enter into this world in the same manner--born in sin. However, through Christ, we can be reconciled to Him. God deals out mercy daily and it is in the forgiveness he extends to us that we are empowered to forgive others. We are called to put off "bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking, and malice" (Ephesians 4:31). Instead, we are to "put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do" (Colossians 3:12-13).
It is the power of the cross that led this bitter soul to the sweet taste of forgiveness. It is the power of the cross that led a lost soul into the arms of his Father. It is the power of the cross that revealed to us both the great love and tender mercy our Father has for His children.
Now, I no longer reach toward the Son, shadowed by the cloud of unforgiveness, but instead reach with anticipation to feel the warmth of His radiant glory!
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